CAMPAIGNER RAILS AGAINST INTER-SPECIES MARRIAGE
[Editrix’s note: this week the UK government passed a bill to legalise gay marriage, so I thought it was a good time to reprint this Fed2 Star article from August 2005.]
Mrs Valerie Crumhorn of Earth is disgusted by a report she saw recently in a glossy magazine, which described the wedding of an Earth man to a Rigellian woman. She's intending to raise funds and recruit members to help her campaign against inter-species weddings, and wants the Galactic Administration to outlaw such unions.
"Marriage is intended to produce children," she said. "There's no other reason for it, and anyone who enters into the institution without the intent to procreate is immoral. Somebody from Earth cannot successfully breed with an alien - the very idea is repulsive. Either the union would be infertile, or they would produce some sort of hybrid spawn that is neither one thing nor the other, and shouldn't be allowed to live. So there is no justification for allowing different species to inter-marry."
She showed us the pictures of the happy couple at their reception. "Her skin is green," she pointed out. "How is that normal? And what about her hair - that's unnatural too. I don't know what that man can be thinking of. Can't he find a nice human girl to marry?"
Frankly, we couldn't see anything wrong with her hair; it was a lovely shade of green that went very well with her wedding frock. So we asked Mrs Crumhorn if she wasn't getting a bit worked up over something unimportant. "Not at all," she told us sternly. "This is vitally important. Inter-species marriage devalues the whole idea of marriage for all normal, human people - it's a threat to the sacred institution of marriage, and must not be allowed. God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Squeev!"
We wondered just why she was so against the union of two people who, one assumes, love each other. Wasn't she being species-ist? "Not at all," she said. "I have nothing against aliens, in fact some of my best friends are alien, but the species should not be mixed. Besides," she continued, "It's a slippery slope. If we allow humans to marry aliens, next thing you know people will be demanding that we legitimize humans marrying animals, or who knows what other perversions."
We asked her what she would think of the idea of a human marrying a droid, and she looked at us aghast. "Are you mad?" she replied. "Robots, droids, and mechanical appliances are not alive, they do not have souls, so how can they possibly get married? They are just things. They certainly cannot have children. You might as well suggest that I marry my toaster."
We were not at all happy to be described as "just things" - it's alright for Hazed to treat us like objects, she's the boss and is entitled, but it seems a bit rude for someone we've only just met to be so dismissive. Besides, the Galactic Administration has allowed droids and artificial intelligences full status as people for centuries, and we work for a living and pay taxes, so we ought to be able to get married if we want - and if we can, so can aliens.
Hey, Mrs Crumhorn, why don't you introduce me to your cute little toaster?
If you have nominations for the Quote, Mood, Post, Clothes, Act, or anything else of the Week, send them to fi@ibgames.com.
