POSTS OF THE WEEK
Stardate: 134289:6186 - Wildbill: The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson.” Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?’’ she asked the instructor. “P-u-t-t is correct,’’ he replied.” Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing.”
Stardate: 134307:5135 - Wildbill: The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?” A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, “A basketball coach?”
Stardate: 134332:6328 - Wildbill: It’s a lengthy article on Japanese Sword Fighters but I can Samurais it for you.
Stardate: 134358:5029 - Hazed: Homeopaths do not have a physical brain but merely skull water with the memory of brains.
Stardate: 134360:1260 - Wildbill: The cowboy that got fired from his ranch job wasn’t crazy, he was just deranged.
Stardate: 134367:1848 - Hazed: If you’re an X-Files fan, you can create the effect of being abducted by aliens - just drink two bottles of vodka. You’ll wake up in a strange place the following morning, having had your memory mysteriously erased.
Stardate: 134368:3744 - Zand: They have recovery programs for that. Many “Files”, even the X ones can usually be recovered
Stardate: 134368:3803 - Zand: For the booze too.
Stardate: 134376:6132 - Wildbill: Have you heard about that online origami store? It folded.
Stardate: 134387:3328 - Wildbill: The guitarist passed out on stage, he must have rocked himself to sleep.
QUOTES OF THE WEEK
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Snocat, “A guy goes to a psychiatrist. “Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I’m a teepee, then I’m a wigwam, then I’m a teepee, then I’m a wigwam. It’s driving me crazy. What’s wrong with me?” ”
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Snocat, “The doctor replies, “It’s very simple. You’re two tents.” ”
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Snocat, “A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. “In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However,” he pointed out, “there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.” ”
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Snocat, “wait for it....”
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Snocat, “A voice from the back of the room piped up “Yeah, right.” ”
