Official News page 5

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

To the editor,

I would like to remind the readers of your sometimes readable Sunday rag that I have never and never shall run 'nekked' across a channel. I am a lady. I drink tea, eat little cakes, and only do lady-like things. I call your readers' attention to my recently awarded (and highly coveted) Emily Howard Real Lady Award, Rubbish Class. My collections of ladies' hat and ladies' dresses are known the galaxy wide.

Perhaps those who authored - if it can even be described as such - the Top Ten list have never met a real lady. I'm always happy to stop by for a nominal fee and illustrate to such vermicious knids the realities of my life as a lady. If I see my name sullied in a similar manner in the future, I shall make arrangements for the teleporters of such individuals to malfunction so that their heads are moved to a more appropriate location on their bodies.

Sent on scented stationery and sealed with a lady-like kiss,

Arlene

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