Inside Scoop page 1

ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLES – SEASON FINALE

by Zeptember

Zodraz: I have a really bad feeling about this.

Zardoz: Nonsense. What can go wrong?

Zodraz: That's easy for you to say, you're just a Financier. I have a planet to worry about.

Zardoz: Hush Zod, the show is about to start.

Zeptember: Welcome to another episode of Alternative Lifestyles, where we examine the issues faced by Federation 2 alts. I am your host, Zeptember. Today we again have with us some members of a rather large alt family, the House of Doz. With us are Zardoz and Zodraz. Zardoz, thank you, and welcome.

Zardoz: Thank you Zeptember. It is an honor to be here.

Zeptember: Zardoz, I understand that you have a new alt that you would like to introduce to us.

Zardoz: Yes Zeptember. We have decided to bring into being a new alt to broaden the House's capabilities.

Zeptember: Interesting - what exactly do you mean by broaden the House's capabilities?

Zardoz: Well, currently the House has a varied array of characters. We have...

Zodraz: Zard, this is a mistake.

Zardoz: Hush Zod. As I was saying, we have a dyslexic, a swordsman, a vampire, several mobsters, two robots, a barbarian, and a Moc.

Zeptember: What's a Moc?

Zardoz: It's a... a... Come to think of it, I haven't the slightest idea. But whatever it is, we have one.

Zeptember: Well that's fascinating. But with all those characters, what could you possibly need, that you don't have?

Zardoz: Well I have given it a lot of thought, and I decided to really give our House a boost, we need something exciting. Something powerful. Something that will put us on a new level.

Zodraz: Don't do this. She won't let you get away with this.

Zardoz: Hush Zod. You'll spoil the moment.

Zeptember: This sounds so exciting. Who is this new character?

Zardoz: I would like to introduce our new character. Please welcome Hazod, our Zemi-Goddess.

Hazod: Hello darlings.

Zodraz: Oh no.

Zeptember: Hazod? You have a Zemi-Goddess?

Zardoz: Isn't she wonderful? Yes, I think this will really do something for the House.

There is bright flash of light, and with a clap of thunder, a cloud of smoke appears. When it clears, Hazed is standing in the studio.

Hazed: Zardoz!! This time you have gone too far.

Zodraz: Oh no.

Zardoz: Why Hazed, so wonderful of you to come. I'd like to introduce you to...

Hazed: Did you think I'd let you get away with this?

Zodraz: I tried to warn him.

Hazed: Hush Zod!

Zodraz: (whimpers)

Zardoz: Now Hazed, I thought you'd be honored. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery you know.

Hazod: Hmmm... I don't know if I look so much like...

Hazed: That will be enough out of you. (Waves her hand, and Hazod vanishes in a puff of smoke).

Zardoz: Awww... Hazed, you didn't have to do that. I prepared several spreadsheets which calculate the cost benefit relationship of having a Zemi-Goddess. I'd be happy to email them to you.

Hazed: Enough! Enough of your spreadsheets! Enough of your emails!! And enough of the two of you!!!

There is a bright flash of light, everything melts away leaving only darkness.

Zodraz: "What could happen?" he said.

Zardoz: I don't want to hear it.

Zodraz: "Nothing could go wrong," he said.

Zardoz: Oh just shut up and hand me that spittoon, would you?

Mele Kalikimaka from the House of Doz.

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