Zeptember: Welcome to another episode of Alternative Lifestyles, where we examine the issues faced by Federation 2 alts. I am your host, Zeptember. Today we have with us some members of a rather large alt family, the House of Doz. With us are Zardoz, Zodraz, Zardroid, Zodbot, and Zand. Zardoz, thank you, and welcome.
Zardoz: Thank you Zeptember. It is an honor to be here, but I would like to offer my apologies on behalf of those members of my House that could not attend.
Zeptember: Your alts could not attend?
Zardoz: Yes, well Nosferatu is somewhat adverse to daytime engagements, and Doncorleone and Alcapone are somewhat adverse to cameras. And... oh... what were their names?...
Zodraz (whispering): Thundarr and Ookla.
Zardoz: Oh yes, well those boys got in a bit of a tiff, and refused to be in the same room with each other. But the remaining alts of my House are more than hap...
Zand (interrupting): Hold on one second. I am not an alt of Zardoz.
Zeptember: You're not? I just assumed...
Zand: I am not his alt!
Zeptember: Zardoz, is this true?
Zardoz: Hmmm... I'm not sure. (Begins to rummage through his pockets). I had an organization chart around here some place.
Zodraz: I have an Org Tree. (Hands a piece of paper to Zeptember)
Zeptember: Zod, this is a label from a container of Tree Gro Fertilizer.
Zodraz: Oh... I wonder what we were using in the garden then.
Zand: I am not an alt of Zardoz!
Zardoz: Well that could be, Zand is never at any of the meetings.
Zodraz: Zardoz, you're never at any of the meetings.
Zardoz: That is true. I usually have scheduling conflicts.
Zardroid: We have meetings?
Zodbot: Oh yes, and they are so much fun. At the last one Alcapone brought Lasagna, and Doncorleone brought Cannoli. Sephiroth brought his Karaoke machine. We sang songs and ...
Zodraz: I'll send you an e-mail, Zardroid, to make sure you can come to the next one.
Zardroid: Thank you, I look forw....
Zand: I am not an alt of Zardoz!!!
Zardoz: Zand, I'm sure we can solve this.
Zand: I am not your alt you psycho nut job!
Zodraz: Well, he does sound like you.
Zardoz: Yes, he does.
Zeptember: Zand, would you happen to have any documentation? A Birth Certificate or Passport perhaps?
Zand: Oh, this is just ridiculous. (Removes microphone). I will not be a part of this silly spectacle. (Stands up and walks off stage)
Zeptember: Well, we've run out of time. Tune in for our next show where we will examine resolving family conflicts. I am Zeptember, and this has been Alternative Lifestyles.
Zodraz: That was interesting.
Zardoz: Yes, very.
Zodraz: I guess Zand isn't your alt.
Zardoz: Apparently not.
Zodraz: Of course, you could be his.
Zardoz: Hmmm..... (Raises an eyebrow).