SOL ACCESS
by September
Zandzabarian Nutoid?
As promised I have continued in my efforts to discover what is behind all the ships that have been purchased on the planet of Zandzabar.
I interviewed one particularly nutty individual who told me that when he purchased his first ship, he had been bribed with a slithy, but went on to state that he couldn't recall if Zand had been the person he had dealt with. I can't imagine anyone forgetting where he or she purchased his or her first ship, but that's just me. I did mention this to him and he replied, "If you haven't noticed, Nuts have very short memories."
The value of a name
Upon returning from the stasis field one day I read the BB and found this notice:
Stardate: 118453:1269 - Royalsims: I am officially announcing that Dennotairn has now paid all of his past-due Royalty fees and I here-by give him, free and clear, the full use of his name.
Having no idea why anyone would pay royalties to someone for the use of their very own name, I had to enquire further.
Upon contacting Dennotairn I asked him how much the royalties for the use of his name were, and why he had to pay them. At first he attempted to claim that the posting was just a response to a joke, but he soon cracked under the pressure of my expert interview techniques and spilled the beans.
As it turned out, no actual groats changed hands. Instead there was a trade of some kind.
September: So you bartered for the use of your name?
Dennotairn: "Outrageous, isn't it?"
September: It does seem so yes. What did you give in return for the use of your name then?
Dennotairn: "My unwavering friendship, cleaning the floors, taking out the dog, that sort of thing."
September: So, on the record, you mopped, poopy scooped, etc?
Dennotairn: "Well, I guess it does sound somewhat cheap when you put it that way."
There you have it folks. Talk may be cheap, but names will cost ya!
Panty Ante
Upon learning that Trilleth had lost her pants in a game of Fedpardy I immediately set out to discover how this could have happened. I spoke to Trilleth who filled me in on the events. According to Trilleth, there was an innocent bet and upon losing the game she removed her pants and gave them to Doolittle. I then went to Doolittle for his comments on this odd bet and he immediately denied stealing the pants and loudly stated that he was innocent of any wrongdoing.
Needless to say I was taken aback at this response, having not accused him of theft or non-innocence of any kind. I calmly asked him how he came into possession of the pants and he had this to say.
"I was just minding my own business, and I just found em. In fact, I was about to take them to lost-n-found when the cops nabbed me"
Doolittle then went on to state that the cops had probably planted the pants on him because they have "always had it in for me ever since I inadvertently borrowed the mayor's car."
At this point there was much back and forth with the interview, Trilleth sticking to her story, and Doolittle changing his with each tock of the ticker. He eventually claimed he didn't have the pants at all, at which point I had to remind him that he had offered them to Lynnea in a bet on the galaxy wide communication channel for all to hear. He responded that he had meant for Lynnea to pick the pants up at from the cops, "in case they were hers."
By this time Doolittle was sweating profusely and I was struggling to keep up with the ever-changing facts. What I am certain of is that Trilleth lost her pants, and Doolittle is up to no good with the mayor's car.
Should he ever be arrested, on charges of any kind, I will be there to bring you the full story.
Until Next Time
That is all for this weeks Sol Access Please remember, I pay for celebrity gossip.
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